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Musings on Rule 34

Rule 34 is one of the principal tenets of the web - namely:
RULE 34: If it exists,
there is porn of it.
No exceptions.

Emphasis on the "is", for this meme is partly providing commentary on the expected level of depravity on "the internet" where people can find content that could be described as pornographic with some measure of ease (unless you are a Daily Mail reader, in which case you will believe that the porn finds you. The meme also makes reference to some of the bizarre things that people make porn about. Those of you who have bothered to read "fanfic" will know that the huge majority of fanfic is basically an excuse to have an author-avatar get it on with Summer Glautheir favourite character.

That said, we can have a little bit of fun with this, imagining some "porn" that is nuts but - you never know - might actually exist on some grimy little recess of the Dark Net.

 

Piston porn

The piston, as in that lovely shiny hunk of solid metal that rams up and down inside your engine. It goes up, bang!, it comes back down. Remind you of anything?

As if that wasn't loaded with enough innuendo, I feel the need to point out that a (fairly rare) piston-less eccentric rotary engine is called the Wankel engine.

Yes, I figure there is a fair amount of milage in piston porn. And... Yes, that terrible pun was intentional.

 

Broken video recorder drive belt porn

One might suggest that this is something of a niche fetish; and possibly one destined to fade to obscurity.

On the plus side, you can get some awesome groaning noises as a tape drive attempts to thread with a broken belt in the works. Especially Betamax decks with their wonderfully zany C-drive system.

 

Broken mobile phone screen porn

Look how the patterns shift when you caress the screen. It's as if the screen is alive! Oh yes!

 

Mouldy tomatoes that were never picked porn

You know, I'm actually having difficulty coming up with some innuendo here. I could liken a mouldy tomato to a testicle, but that's in danger of requiring brain bleach, so I think we'll just skip on to:

 

USB plugs that don't fit your socket porn

Plugs that don't fit the socket? Must... resist... temptation... [hint: it isn't PG rated]

 

Leaky battery porn

What's this gooey stuff squirting out of... <cough> you get the idea.

 

Megaphone porn

A large tube. Speaks for itself really.

 

Over to you. Come up with the most improbable "porn" ever. Bonus Brownie Points for added helpings of innuendo.
But, you know, try to keep it clean!

 

Your comments:

Please note that while I check this page every so often, I am not able to control what users write; therefore I disclaim all liability for unpleasant and/or infringing and/or defamatory material. Undesired content will be removed as soon as it is noticed. By leaving a comment, you agree not to post material that is illegal or in bad taste, and you should be aware that the time and your IP address are both recorded, should it be necessary to find out who you are. Oh, and don't bother trying to inline HTML. I'm not that stupid! ☺
 
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The Phat Controller, 9th January 2014, 11:10
Train porn? 
 
Thomas the Tank Engine getting spit-roasted by Gordon and Henry?

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