FilmFour
My reviews
Last revised 1st April 2008 at 23:58 CET
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FilmFour is channel 315 on SkyDigital, with a one-hour delay version as channel 316.
For those using FTA receivers - tune to 10.730 V 22000 5/6,
Video PID=2311, Audio PID=2312, PCR PID=2308,
and Film4+1 is Video PID=2329, Audio PID=2330, PCR PID=2309.
For those not watching on satellite, you will find FilmFour on
NTL/Telewest/Virgin (cable) channel 444, and/or FreeView (DTT) channel 32.
Film4+1 is on cable as channel 445, but it is not available on FreeView.
135 reviews (39 favourites), with 75 screenshots.
Here are the non-English titles presented in the localised (non-Latin) alphabet.
I welcome corrections, and also the Unicode sequences to use for the Chinese and Korean films.
What happened? No updates in THREE MONTHS?!?!?!
This is geeky, you probably won't want to hear it, but the excuse is "technical reasons". How my website gets updated is a little bit complicated because I am only on-line for half an hour a week at my local library... I upload a TAR file to an "offline" server, then I get a command line on the machine using secure shell, I unpack the website update from the TAR file and make sure I've not messed up the file permissions. Then I call a special thingy which notifies that my site has been updated. Some sort of automatic script runs to package my updated stuff and transfer it all to the live server.
Sounds really complicated, doesn't it? Well, when your internet access is a library, you take no risks with security. I like to believe my upload is not going to be compromised, but really you don't know what sort of rubbish Windows might cache.
Anyway, the thing is the offline server was updated to a newer machine and I believe this one machine has taken on the tasks of several older machines. I dunno, I never got beyond the bogosity of a case sensitive filing system (I hope to build a version of Minix that is case insensitive... then, and only then, will I look to having a serious look at how Un*x systems work (as opposed to RISC OS/DOS)). Anyway, the person hosting my site is doing me a favour, he has a job that occupies a lot of his time, and I'm rarely on-line. Getting everything working smoothly had to fit into all of this. So I apologise for the lack of updates. I hadn't disappeared, honest!
[there! I told you it was geeky and you wouldn't want to hear! <grin>]
Just playing around
I thought I'd have a play and see what sort of potential resolution can be extracted from a digital satellite broadcast.
Using the ability to 'zoom' in on a still picture, I can digitised and assembled a tapestry that is almost up to HD size. Sadly this is not possible with most existing hardware due to the requirement to output a PAL 720×576 picture. Oh well, it's the thought that counts!
New digitiser!
I have a new computer, which I call Aiko. She runs a 450MHz Pentium III and XP in 128Mb RAM. Oh, sorry, when I said 'new' I didn't mean new. Goodness, I'd love a machine that can rip a DVD in realtime, but that's going to have to wait.
Anyway, being a tower-sized machine and running a PCI bus at a speed that's better than my crappy 75MHz box, I have installed the mìroMedia TV capture card and hooked the video recorder via composite video. This allows me, using the TWAIN driver, to capture pictures from FilmFour at a good resolution (720×576, 24bpp) which can then be processed and scaled.
The first film to have pictures added in this way is Home Alone 3, I'm sure you can see the difference in quality over what I achieved using the old frame grabber.
Additionally, given that the digitiser is attached to the machine I use, not another, I will be more likely to add images in the future as I no longer need to swap machines and figure out how to get the pictures back when the only compatible interconnect was a serial lead...
Where are all the comments?
Comments will, from time to time, be added to the top of this document, more or less where you are reading now.
The older comments have been moved to a separate document where they can be referred to at any time, without cluttering up this review document (which is already pushing 350K!).
And now for the reviews...
28 Days Later (7/10)
Following a botched animal liberation to free tortured monkeys, Britain is plagued with an illness that kills most (like 99% of the population) and turns many of the rest into zombies. This wouldn't be BSE would it? Whatever... we follow a man who wakes up lying naked on a bed in a hospital O.R., only to find out the the hospital is deserted. As is London. Many lovely shots of famous parts of London totally deserted - not a traffic jam in sight, it must have been a wet dream for Ken Livingstone! The man meets the zombies, and is rescued by an explosion-happy pair. After tracking down the man's parents (who committed suicide, with a poignant letter left behind), one of the explosion-happy pair dies (killed by the other as he became 'infected' - it takes about ten seconds), and the two survivors meet a policeman and his streetwise daughter.
Having to leave (no water), they hear a radio message appealing for people to travel up to Manchester (M602, 27 miles NE of Manchester), where they will find the army and a cure for the infection...
There are some comic moments, like a romp around Budgens, however this film is more concerned with playing it straight (as opposed to "Shaun Of The Dead" which fell face down into the 'ZomCom' category).
The cast do well with the material (the young girl should have had a bigger part), and it was certainly a surprise to the the flappy-eared ex-Doctor (Christopher Ecclestone) turn up along the way.
An enjoyable film.
So why only 7? This would have scored 7½, maybe 7¾ if it wasn't for the peculiar, pointless, and essentially idiotic "What if..." closure. You'll see what I mean. PS: It follows the brief end credits, so don't leave as soon as the names roll up the screen...
A Clockwork Orange (8½/10)
The very first scene starts like this, and pulls out to...
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...something like this - quite simply a masterpiece!
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Perhaps the only movie in history that the creator himself pulled shortly after release, fearing copycat acts of violence.
It's a futuristic story set in a very late-sixties-looking world. Chances are you already know about this movie. A friend of mine said recently that he has seen enough clips to put together the entire movie. The story itself (the capture and rehabilitation of a violent adolescent) almost takes a back seat in comparison to the visual style of this movie, and once you've watched it (and not just seen the assorted clips!), you'll suddenly realise that it has influenced loads of movies since...
The story may not be to everybody's taste, but just looking at it you'll know that you are watching the work of a genius. It is deservedly in FilmFour's list of "films to see before you die".
There are plenty of unusual angles...
(this is my second viewing, I watched with subtitles)
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...so it is never mundane.
(it's a shame the Digibox subtitles are so boring)
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A Life Less Ordinary (6½/10)
Ewan McGregor in America. Has a job, gets fired by the boss from hell. He goes to plead for his job back, and before he knows it he has kidnapped the boss's daughter - delightfully played by Cameron Diaz.
It doesn't end there for poor Ewan. Cameron plays a determined woman who is going to make the best out of her kidnap ordeal - leaving her kidnapper hopelessly confused as she takes control.
But no, it doesn't even end there for poor Ewan. Oh no, he also has to deal with two bounty-hunters who are actually angels trying to get him and his captee to fall in love. Brilliantly played by Samuel L Jackson and Holly Hunter.
Now reading this, the story may seem too bizarre to bother to watch. But trust me, it actually works surprisingly well.
A Tale Of Two Sisters (7½/10) [in Korean, subtitled]
One of the sisters.
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This is a lovely shot.
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In a spectacular twist of fate, FilmFour started showing a season of films from South Korea at about the same time as the short bloke with glasses up North decided to try comparing the size of his penis.
I can tell you two things about Korea from this film. The language is somewhat yucky-sounding, akin to all the "umms" and "errs" from another Asian language rolled into one new language, with the held syllables, it is also fairly distinctive. Secondly, the Korean alphabet (called "Hangul" script), was devised around 1443, and it is the only true alphabet native to the Far East. Remember that Chinese (traditional, simplified, mandarin, etc) as well as Japanese (Hiragana, Katakana, and the ideogramatic Kanji) are not alphabets. They are descriptions. Ideas. Concepts. We, English speakers, would write 's', 'u', 'n', to name that glowing thing in the sky. French people would write "soleil". Italians would write "sole", which when spoken isn't all that different to the French word. In Chinese? It'd be some sort of squiggle that means "that glowing thing in the sky". For all I know, it could be a circle with a dot in it (actually, I believe in Japanese and Chinese, the pictogram for 'sun' it is an upright rectangle with a horizontal line across the middle, like this: 日 ).
You may well wonder why I am talking about language instead of the film. This is because FilmFour is offering a much greater way for you to broaden your horizons than by simply watching a spooky film from another country. This film was made by people of an entirely different culture than that to which FilmFour broadcasts. Simply observing little things here and there, it can be very interesting, bordering on enlightening
So to the film. Two girls - late teens? - arrive home from a time being institutionalised. Not only do they have to deal with that shift in their reality, but they also have to deal with the step-mother. Now, the step-mother is an interesting character. She plays at being nice and homely, but there's just... sort of like a dark aura around her. If I was in that house, I'd be damn sure I knew where she was at every moment.
I cannot continue much more into the story without letting slip a few fundamental things, but trust me, when these things are revealed and the movie undergoes a massive paradigm shift in the wake of the revelations, it is an unsettling experience. This is especially heightened by the fact that it appears as if the rule of the dialogue is "less is more"; so some of the character interaction is a look, a gesture, an emotion. It takes good actors to pull of this sort of thing convincingly (that's probably why so many of our 'Western' movies have characters that never shut up!), and the players here do an outstanding job. This is aided by some inventive camera angles. My favourite unusual angle of the entire movie is right at the beginning when the girls are on the jetty and the camera is looking directly down on them (picture above right). It seems so simple, so obvious, but I bet many directors wouldn't have thought of that.
I'll warn you though, this film may not seem to make a lot of sense once it has finished. A second (and possibly a third) viewing is recommended.
The inspiration of this movie is from a well-known (in Korea!) folk tale called "Janghwa Heungryeonjeon". The Korean language title, "Janghwa, Hongryeon" means Rose Flower and Red Lotus. The two girls in the movie are called Su-mi (Rose) and Su-yeon (Lotus).
Called "Janghwa, Hongryeon" in Korean. In Korean with subtitles.
The sister, again.
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The evil step-mother.
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Along Came A Spider (7½/10)
A teacher kills another teacher and kidnaps a girl at an exclusive school. From this small act spins out a story of deception with many layers and a good twist at the end, with Morgan Freeman holding the film together expertly (as if it'd be anything else).
America's Sweethearts (6/10)
A load of famous people (including Julia Roberts, Billy Crystal, John Cusack, and Catherine Zeta-Jones) in a movie about two film stars (Cusack and Zeta-Jones) who hate each other but must be reunited for a press 'do' about a new film. Lots of funny moments in this pleasant comedy, including a role for Christopher Walken where he doesn't bump off anybody.
Amélie (9¾/10) [in French, subtitled]
Amélie is a delightful piece of whimsy, that really shows up the difference
between pretentious Hollywood 'vehicles' and European classics.
(picture from DVD, UK release)
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Amélie is a mischievous, cheeky girl who thinks life is so simple and wants to help everybody have a touch of love in their lives. Things, however, are not so simple when it comes time for Amélie to reflect upon her own life.
Those who know of Jean-Pierre Junet's work will quickly spot the surrealistic bits in this movie (such as a painfully beautiful Paris free from all the doggie poop), but this bright vision is a far cry from the imaginary world of "The City Of Lost Children" (which I hope FilmFour will show sometime). What has remained is the inventive use of the camera. But, like numerous Scorsese sequences, you aren't really aware of what the camera is doing until something in your head clicks and you think "did it just...?". Yes, it probably did!
This film is blessed with loads of tiny touches that make up the sensitive and highly quirky personality of Amélie. And, through the film, it is all of those subtle little things that really make this movie.
The worst news I've heard, in a long time, is that the Hollywood machinery are intending to remake this film. They just about got away with it with "Nikita" becoming "The Assassin", mostly thanks to Bridget Fonda's powerful performance. But so many films were simply lost in translation. I specifically point to "My Father The Hero" ("Mon Père, Ce Héros") because the same person (Gerard Depardieu) was the lead in both. Mon Père was watchable and carried that French sense of the quirky, while My Father tried hard but was still definitely second-rate. And this is all I can hope for if there is an American remake of Amélie.
Let's face it, can you seriously imagine Working Title (of all of those seriously British movies - "Notting Hill", "4 Weddings", "Bridget Jones") being able to turn out a film like this? Can you seriously imagine Dreamworks or Amblin or Touchstone turning out an Amélie? Do we need to see a remake starring a few reality TV 'starlets'? I can't put my finger on it, but there is definitely something uniquely French about this movie, that I don't think it would have been the same had it been made anywhere else on the planet. It was just a perfect match between a young actress that was just so Amélie, and a director who could pull it off.
I absolutely loathe pop music that ruins a classic song by adding a heavy drum sequence, and possibly a fake Rasta in the chorus. For something you might see today (on ClassicFM TV, #359), compare "Now We Are Free" by Lisa Gerrard (the so-called "Maximus Mix") with the beautiful version performed by Triniti. That, above all else, explains what is wrong with upping the tempo and tossing in unwanted percussion.
I view remakes as much the same thing. Amélie just misses out on a 10/10 due to a number of small technical issues (that, ironically, Jean-Pierre himself goes to trouble to point out and moan about in the director's commentary on the DVD). In all other senses, Amélie is perfection itself. Why remake it? If the target audience (no doubt the uniquely stupid American audiences that most second-rate remakes seem aimed for, the sort that thought "Animal House" was a serious depiction of campus life) is too lazy, stupid, or ADHD-afflicated to put up with the subtitles... well, their loss.
Just to point out - I live in France, yes, but my French is not (yet) good enough to fully enjoy this movie. I still have to rely on the subtitles, so I'm not speaking with a superior "I know what it's all about" sort of position.
Called "Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain" in the French release. In French with subtitles.
Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me (6½/10)
If your idea of a good spy film involves either Michael Caine or Gene Hackman, don't watch this film ever.
The Mike Myers spoof of the James Bond genre of films returns. It is essentially the same sort of thing as the previous film - Austin loses his "mojo" and has to travel back to the 1969 to get it back. Where did it go? That's easy - Dr. Evil took it. Yes, awfully formulaic, but then so is James Bond when you get down to it.
As usual, the visual gags, the parodies, and the cultural references come thick and fast. And if you can't hack the idea of Myers in multiple roles, not to mention "Mini Me", or if you are too young to get all those references, well then there is always the lovely Heather Graham (who is so better all round than Liz Hurley) to look at.
Azumi (9/10) [in Japanese, subtitled]
Azumi atop the mountain (I added the あずみ title).
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Azumi in the robe she wears throughout the movie.
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A pretty young woman (played by Aya Ueto) is raised, along with nine others, to be the ultimate assassins, in order to carry out a special mission to restore peace to the country by taking out the rebel warlords.
This action-laden visual treat hits the ground running. After a training session and some deep mumbling about honour, the ten candidates line up and pick a partner. Whom they must now kill. This is supposedly to teach them that, as assassins, they cannot choose who to kill or how to feel about it. But, here we see the beginnings of a fragmentation in the group that is left. Some cling to the Master's every wish (remember, this is Japan - they have big respect for honour), others are starting to question why. What is going on? What is the purpose of all this violence?
This is especially hard in the following bloodshed in which they must stand by and watch as the Master dictates that they are not to become involved in 'trifles' that are not their big mission. We can see this more and more through the eyes of Azumi who seems to suffer internally for everything she sees, and doubly so if it is a killing of her own.
In a way, this makes the violence that would otherwise seem shocking in its gratuity all the worse, for it now carries emotional baggage.
There is a continuation of this review below, but it has been hidden as a 'spoiler' as it goes deeper into the plot.
If I had to level any criticisms at this movie, they would mostly be with something that seems almost de-facto in ninja/samurai movies, namely:
- Stop with the posing. A swipe with the blade, then freeze for a few seconds while the enemies drop dead around you. Okay, okay, it looks great, but it isn't really practical when it's four down and twenty to go. Seriously, who freezes in action 'for effect' in the middle of a swordfight?
- Enough with breaking the laws of physics! It is bad enough in animé to have the characters leap in the air, float down cliffsides unhurt, scramble up trees as if running up a not-very-steep hill, but here!?!? Please!
This must be some sort of 'superhuman' power prevalent in the genre, as I've seen it a few times before. Perhaps the most striking actual example (we don't count 'Monkey') was in a film with a title something like Crouching Tiger where various people leapt and ran from tree-top to tree-top. As if...
- Given the swords, rudimentary firearms, and lack of mobiles - this is obviously set some time in the past (16th/17th century?). Azumi must be an ace washer-girl to get her purple-white robe splattered in blood, and then have it clean so soon.
She must wear it wet too, as I don't think even the Japanese had tumble dryers back then!
Called あずみ (a-zu-mi) in Japanese. In Japanese with subtitles.
The enemy, not a pair you'd like to meet on a dark night...
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More 'posing' with the sword...
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あずみ [is listed as "Azumi"]
Bad Girls (5½/10)
Awesome! A Western about for tough, independent, spirited woman. Yup, that's the surprise factor here - these gunslingers are honeys.
Andie McDowell, radiant as always looking like she's just stepped over from Four Weddings And A Funeral, Madeleine Stowe (the love interest in Stakeout), Draw Barrymore (you only need me to list her films if you were visiting another planet), and Mary Stuart Masterson (who was perfect in Fried Green Tomatoes (mom's favourite film) and sublimely kooky in Benny & Joon (one of my favourites - how about it FilmFour?)).
With such a strong cast and an interesting storyline, what could go wrong?
Well, a lot evidently. I think somebody at the studio bottled it and decided this would be better a failed flop then a movie that worked, for the assembled talent are given the most generic B-movie Western clichés imaginable, along with some flimsy feminist statements so us men can swagger around and remark that these four are no match for Clint Eastwood.
Perhaps one day the Western genre will be given the feminine touch in all sincerity (look what Ripley did for space sci-fi; and no, we don't count The Quick And The Dead) and females in a Western will be something other than a gimmick. Perhaps...
Batoru Rowaiaru [is listed as "Battle Royale"]
バトル ロワイアル [is listed as "Battle Royale"]
Batoru rowaiaru II Chinkonka [is listed as "Battle Royale II - Requiem"]
バトル ロワイアル 2 ちこか [is listed as "Battle Royale II - Requiem"]
Battle Royale (12/10) [in Japanese, subtitled]
About forty students, and just over an hour in which to kill them. The bodies pile up rapidly, and graphically, and disturbingly.
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The nice kids (that didn't refuse to play and commit suicide) have to grab a gun and shoot... though sometimes they're not even sure who or what they are shooting at.
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In the not-so-distant future, schoolchildren are out of control. Fearing them, the adults have set up a big game - the Battle Royale. Every year a class 'wins' the opportunity to compete. The rules, announced by an amazingly perky woman on a video, are really simple. The kids are assigned a backpack at random. It contains rations, and a weapon (which may or may not be useful). They are all wearing electronic tags around their neck to allow the game organisers to keep watch. Every so often there are announcements including "danger zones" which the kids must move off of (to prevent them simply hiding away). The game will last exactly 72 hours, after which there must be only one survivor. If there are more survivors the neck straps will trigger and explode - something which is demonstrated in the beginning of the film.
To add an extra layer, one of the kids is somebody who signed up for the adrenaline rush of wasting other kids with a machine gun, something he does with a big grin.
If you can imagine "Lord Of The Flies" written by somebody who must have been on his eighth caffeine hit since ten minutes ago, who probably got rat-assed and stayed up all night, and grew up addicted to Wolfenstein and "Takeshi's Castle", you might have an inkling of what this film is like. If you can stomach the gore, you might appreciate this film for widening your horizons considerably. It has some lovely touches designed to unsettle you even more - like a running score of who's just bought it and how many kids are to go. The suicides are plentiful and graphic, the murders moreso. This film is just completely raw, and in it's own sick way, completely amazing.
One of the strengths of this film is that, like most good "totalitarian" sci-fi stories (such as "A Handmaiden's Tale"), the goings on are far enough away from reality to be unthinkable today, but close enough to perhaps be real tomorrow...
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You can take it as a gore-fest with a very full-on attitude, or if you are a deeper person you can ruminate on the message that this movie is giving and its commentary on the social condition in which we live. Of course, the sort of things portrayed in this film will never be possible, right? Well, if you think about it it isn't as far-fetched as we'd like. Perhaps this is why it makes uncomfortable viewing.
Another thing of interest is that the Japanese attitude to this sort of thing is rather different to the west. I cannot imagine Hollywood ever releasing a film like this one, and certainly not with actual children playing the parts - it would be the usual line-up of post-teen (20-30 year old) 'starlets' pretending to be kids.
Apparently an American remake of Battle Royale is forthcoming. Say it with me - "why God, why!?". No, I don't think they'd have the balls to pull off a film like this.
Called "Batoru Rowaiaru" in Japanese. In Japanese with subtitles.
LATER: You might have thought I was a bit of a sicko pervert for suggesting that such brutal violence could be willingly administered to children; two people emailed me to complain about that opinion.
Well, I wish to present you with the text of a news article copied verbatim from ITV Teletext news headlines (article on p311) at 22:44 UK time on the 22nd of October 2006:
Britons 'fear teenagers'
Britain is in danger of becoming a nation fearful of its young people, research by the Institute of Public Policy Research shows.
A survey found British adults are less likely than Europeans to intervene to stop teenagers' anti-social behaviour.
A Barnardo's spokeswoman said children had been wrongly "demonised" by the media and politicians, creating myths and increasing fear amongst adults.
A storm in a teacup, or the tiny beginnings of the prophecy of Battle Royale? |
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Battle Royale II - Requiem (5½/10) [in Japanese, subtitled]
The fundamental problem with making a sequel is that a "standard" has been set. Something to better. Something to excel. And in this respect, BR2 simply doesn't come close. Not even maybe.
Again we have a group of kids on a bus, drugged and taken to the military camp. Again they wake up to find that they are wearing electronic neck collars. This time, the game has had a few alterations. The collars are in pairs. If one person is more than fifty metres from the other, bang to both. And if one person dies, the other collar explodes.
The kids lose their school uniforms quickly and end up wearing camouflage outfits. In a way this "militarised" the children, somehow them wearing their uniforms (in the first film) made it all the more poignant.
And this time, Shuya Nanahara, the surviving boy from the previous film is decked out in rebel-style rags, just like some sort of wannabe Che Guevara. He is now a "terrorist" set on avenging the adults, mainly by blowing up buildings.
The kids in BR2 have a simple mission. The "BR Act" has been revised. Why? How? Who cares. The kids have the requisite three days in which to locate the terrorist leader and kill him. Then they win.
The original film was packed full of brutal violence. This film sees a more stylised approach, the fast shutter speeds capturing every drop of water and somehow disconnecting us from reality. There are many "Saving Private Ryan" moments, but somehow it seems a little too slick.
The previous teacher (played par excellence by Beat Takeshi) was great. With his dismissive mannerisms and sarcastic comments, you felt he was a lonely old adult simply in it to mentor the kids into his own personal revenge, both against the children and against his own disaster of a home life. He had a personality.
The teacher this time, Riki Takeuchi (played by...Riki Takeuchi!), is simply unhinged. Acting so over the top that he almost becomes a comic relief part.
This story is also loaded down with politics and Zen-like comments. Everybody that dies (after the first lot are wiped out wholesale) has a meaningful statement to make. And whatever action was going on just stops long enough for us to take pause to consider the meaning of these statements. In a way it feels as if half of it is some sort of apology for the brutality of the first film.
As for plot... well, there is a plot but it has so many holes I think they've already been at it with their AK-47s.
This film might have stood up much better if it didn't base itself upon Battle Royale, and simply ripped off ideas instead. This isn't to say it is a bad film, there is plenty of energy and gunplay to help you through the night. However if you were expecting more of the same, don't.
According to IMDb, the filming was begun by Kinji Fukasaku, who sadly died during production. Filming was taken over by his son, Kenta Fukasaku and - well - one wonders if this movie was simply destined to be sucky, or if the son just didn't have the balls to live up to the original vision. Whatever, there's too much political content, too many 'meaningful' final sentences, and not enough connection with the characters. It has been reduced to an action war movie with kids.
Perhaps the most memorable thing about this film is the amazingly bad punk song playing with the end credits!
There is apparently a different version ("Battle Royale 2 - Revenge") which runs for a bit longer and includes extended scenes which flesh out some of the interactions between the characters. Perhaps this would be a more logical film?
Called "Batoru rowaiaru II Chinkonka" in Japanese. In Japanese with subtitles.
Billy Madison (6¼/10)
Adam Sandler plays a total dope that failed school. When his father decides to step down from his business empire, his choice of who to hand the empire to is either the sleaziest I got where I am today by stabbing people in the back employee, or his son... but, as the deal goes, only if his son can pass eighth grade. What is that in non-American terms, junior school? (age 12ish?)
As you can imagine, Adam Sandler revels in the opportunity to be a young kid and make farty noises and such. Of course, the problem comes in the form of a rather attractive teacher - and we know he won't be thinking about her in the same way as his eight-year-old classmates. So it is up to Billy to prove that he has some potential after all, while still remaining what may be the most irresponsible grown-up-kid since Michael Jackson, and dodging all the traps that Mr. Sleaze-Is-Me puts out for him to fall in to.
Birthday Girl (6½/10) [in English with parts in subtitled Russian]
A lonely British bank worker (Ben Chaplin) decides, perhaps out of madness, to order a Russian mail-order bride. She turns up, played amazingly by Nicole Kidman (who also speaks Russian!). Then, on the day of her birthday, her two thuggish cousins turn up and Ben's life will never be the same. But Ben is a smart cookie, once he figures out the score he decides he isn't going to take it lying down... Again, I could perfectly sum up this movie in this paragraph, but if I give away the plot you'll be less inclined to want to watch it!
And that would be a shame, for watching this and several other of her movies, I'm seeing a side to Nicole Kidman that we never got to see in her 'married-to-you-know-who' days.
Bound (6¼/10)
Depending upon your perspective, this could be a movie about ripping off the mob with some lesbian action thrown in... or it could be a lot of lesbian action with a subplot about ripping off the mob thrown in.
Good ol' Jennifer Tilly seems to be adept at choosing kooky roles (Leaving Normal, anyone?) and here she is paired with Gina Girshwin (I think that's how you spell it) who sort-of smirks through much of the movie, as if she knows not to take it too seriously.
It's a shame, actually. The movie would work equally well had the amourous scenes been removed, while various angles and juxtapositions make this quite an interesting movie to watch. Please, don't think I'm a prude, I just don't feel that Gina groping Jennifer's panties actually added anything useful to the plot. The first paragraph about says it all really...
Brady Bunch, The [is listed as "The Brady Bunch"]
Brewster's Millions (4½/10)
Richard Pryor and John Candy in a film that could only have been made in the '80s (1985 to be exact). A nobody baseball player is set to inherit $300,000,000. That's a lot of zeros. The idea is not new, this is about the sixth film adaptation of the story, however in the '80s we have two major comedy leads and huge amounts of money, it is almost offensive in this day and age.
Why is it "almost offensive" to inherit three hundred million, an amount that is hard to imagine? Because there it a condition. Brewster has to spend $30,000,000 (loads more zeros) within thirty days - without so much as a dollar left by the end of it. The idea is to have Brewster go to such excess that when he comes to inherit the cash, he doesn't want to know. Rather like a donut bar offering free donuts to employees - it sounds awesome for about a week, then you don't want to look at another donut!
However there is really nothing compared to the dross level of this movie. We have seen Pryor and Candy do some great comedy roles, this could have been a heck of a pairing.
But it was not to be. There are four subplots in this movie. They are:
- Baseball. A lot of baseball.
- Brewster trying to hit on his pretty accountant; who, by the way, is engaged to a nerdy twit
- Some slimy accountants trying to do Brewster out of his cash
and...
- Brewster spending unimaginable amounts of money so thick and fast that it quickly loses appeal. Once he sinks cash into an idea to drop diesel engines into the back of an iceberg to take water to the Arabs, you know it can't go much more downhill from there...
What's so bad, you might ask. There is nothing innovative. Do we see Brewster stuck in some sort of problem where throwing money around can't help him? No. [further brief discussion in the extended commentary] This film is mundane and predictable. There is no edge. There is no spirit. There is no point.
Brick (6/10)
Brick is a bizarre film. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's it at school (college?). His girlfriend winds up dead, so he decides to do a little bit of investigating to see if he can put the pieces together. He has an interesting style - do something that would rank as controversial and see how soon he gets beaten up. In fact, much of this movie seems to involve him getting beaten senseless... when he isn't hanging with his mole or the girl with the whole '80s Frenchie style thing going.
Brother (6/10) [in English with parts in subtitled Japanese]
This slow yet arty and occasionally violent film stars (and was written and directed by) "Beat" Takeshi, who you may remember as the excellent guy-in-charge in the original Battle Royale film.
He is a Yakuza who has fallen from grace, suggested that in order to remain alive he restart his life in America. This he does, quickly taking himself to a position of importance in the underworld, mainly by stomping on those in his way. Obviously this brings him to the attention of the Mafia...
This is an interesting and engaging film, the only problem is the pacing is spurts and lulls.
In English and subtitled Japanese.
Bugsy Malone (6/10)
A '30s gangster film 'musical' with kids. Some lovely touches - splatter guns, pedal cars... Possibly best known for an early performance by an 11 year old Jodie Foster, however all of the cast pulls together to make a good gangster flick.
Bulletproof Monk (6½/10)
A monk with a Yoda attitude (Chow-Yun Fat) and a stubborn criminal (Seann William Scott) pair up in a variety of action-laden visually attractive situations. It's some great eye candy if you like your reality a little less stupid than any number of Van Damme movies, but the entire plot is a one-liner, the ending is pretty obvious, and most of it is farcically ridiculous.
Perfect for unwinding after a serious day.
Carnival Of Souls (7¾/10)
Old-fashioned cars racing on a wooden bridge.
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Something was bound to go wrong with that idea...
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This film, from 1962, sees Candace Hilligoss as the only survivor of a car crash where, during a race over a dopey wooden bridge, one of the cars tumbles into the river.
The police search for the car, but it cannot be found. After a while, Mary (Candace) seems to appear on the river's edge - dazed and having no idea how she got there.
Mary is one of those no-nonsense, always-worried-about-something, not entirely as smart as she'd like to be blondes that seems to crop up in movies such as this, which is a good reflection for other parts of the movie. She wants nothing to do with relationships and in fact seems like she'd rather be at home reading a good book, yet in other times she asks herself some rather obvious questions with the naïve charm of Audrey Hepburn in "Charade" (click here for Zone Horror review).
The only thing keeping this movie from being a favourite (scoring 8 or more) is that the end revelation was easy to guess, perhaps from the very first scenes. But don't let this put you off watching. For a low-budget film, this offers a lot of imaginative ideas. Light on effects (did they even have effects in those days? ☺), it has to concentrate on making itself look good - the black and white photography is full of stark contrast, it would not have worked so well in colour. It also has to perform a function that seems largely to exist in Japanese horror films these days - the idea of a constant unnerving suspense.
Of course, if your idea of a great horror flick is a nubile chick enduring some variety of slayage, hackage, or chainsawage every six minutes then you'll probably not enjoy this. Which is a shame, because - as films such as "The Others" show, it is possible to make quite an effective horror film without the array of corpses.
There was a lot about this film that reminded me of "Spider Baby" (click here for Zone Horror review), in that it is a creepy film that you need to invest some time and effort in - only "Spider Baby" goes for fine comedy while this is a more serious affair.
It will be time and effort that won't be rewarded by the final payoff (you'll have guessed the end long before it happens), but which will be amply rewarded by simply watching the film...
The version of "Carnival Of Souls" shown by FilmFour runs in at 82 minutes - the 'revival' edit that has become a bit of a cult classic. The original release version of this film runs in at 91 minutes. It makes you wonder what nine minutes (which is quite a lot of time, a tenth of the entire film) was omitted, and why.
Candance Hilligoss shaken, not stirred.
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Black and white adding to the menacing starkness.
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Carrie (7¾/10)
Based upon a Stephen King novel (the 1976 horror flick, not the '50s farmgirl flick), this is the story of a sheltered girl with a nasty home life, and an equally horrible personal life - bullied at school, and at home all those gory bleeding-Christ statues and the sort of religious fanaticism that always leads to bad things (you'll also see this theme in "Frailty").
This film is primarily a character portrait of a complicated person who just happens to have telekinesis (the ability to move stuff by thinking about it), more than it is a horror film, so it doesn't play by the usual rules - for a start this film has an incredibly slow burn. The entirety is leading up to the one big payoff, and boy is it a payoff. And, rather than being a cheap gimmick to resolve the movie, we fully understand how and why what happens happens - in fact we'd probably be rooting for Carrie to do her worst... The most unsettling thing is we don't know if Carrie is using her power, or if it is using her.
I don't think I really need to go into much more detail, for the ending of this film is a part of movie history. If you're one of the few who doesn't know the climax, and goodness is it ever a climax, then make some time for this movie.
Cat Returns, The [is listed as "The Cat Returns"]
Catch That Kid (6/10)
A young girl's father is in hospital. He is dying. They need a heap of cash to save him. Turns out they (her and father) run a go-kart track. She (Kristen Stweart) is a bit of a tom-boy and can abseil. Her friend, played by Corbin Bleu (who you may know better as the fluffy haired one in "High School Musical") is good with computers. Good in a "yeah right, like that could happen" sort of way.
Her mother has just installed a mega-high-tech security system at a bank. The system isn't due to come on-line yet, but the slimeball manager wants to throw a big 'do' because he is impatient and a total creep.
Can you see where this is going? Mom asks for a loan to cover the hospital bill, but the boos man turns her down quite rudely. So the girl decides, like you do, to pull an elaborate heist.
This is strictly for younger kids [of any age! :-)] who will enjoy the action and excitement. Those kids who are older and more mature may start to wonder about the various moral messages that will come from this movie; as some stuff is more than a touch on the dubious side.
Changing Lanes (7½/10)
Ben Affleck is a rising Wall Street lawyer, Samuel L. Jackson is a violent recovering alcoholic fighting to stop his (ex-)wife taking his kids to the other side of the country. They're both heading to the same court house when there's a car accident, and being in a hurry Affleck leaves a blank cheque and parts with the words "better luck next time". In the court room, Affleck realises he must have dropped a very important power-of-attorney dossier and Jackson must have picked it up. Encountering Jackson later, he gives Affleck the same flippant attitude that Affleck gave him earlier, at the crash scene.
It's a long paragraph to set up a chain of events where the two try to one-up each other, a chain of events that descends further and further into that dangerous region where people shouldn't go, fuelled by Jackson's fine appreciation for creating havoc and knowing the value of that thin red dossier; and Affleck's legal mind looking for chinks in the armour of his adversary.
Cheaper By The Dozen (7/10)
Dad trying to hold it all together...
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...while mom's out of the scene.
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The perfect American mom (in the movies) Bonnie Hunt is coupled with the comic antics of Steve Martin for this pleasant film about two parents trying to juggle their careers hitting the big time at the same time as their family of twelve children of assorted ages who are lovable monsters.
A gentle inoffensive movie that is suitably cute without veering into annoying.
Cherry Falls (8/10)
When this was on BBC 2 a year ago, I liked it and looked it up on-line. It was a film praised and hated in equal measure. As is usual, it was those we got it and those who didn't.
On the face of it, it is a sort of teen horror starring a suitably fluffy haired Brittany Murphy as the good girl next door, plus the town cop's daughter. They live in the small town of Cherry Falls where she can keep a perma-worried expresion as some real bad stuff is going down. In fact there's a killer. He is killing virgins. The response of the teens, and this is a tiny spoiler, is to organise a big party to help them lose their virgin status. They figure no longer a virgin, no longer a potential victim. I give this away as maybe suddenly the title of the film is taking on a new meaning. This is a very comical film, but it doesn't dwell on the humour. There is no time for the laugh track. There is none of that annoying "knowing" humour that was fresh in Scream but tired by the time Scream 3 rolled around. Just some funny situations played absolutely straight. Okay, the story makes sense even if the premise is a bit shaky, but you know... enjoy the ride.
Clueless (9/10)
Made in 1995, this is probably the last ever film with a Valley Girl as the lead role. This is because the whole Valley Girl thing has expired. Passé. The air-head rich-daddy girls grew up, sold out. Probably the only example around these days is Paris Hilton! This affects pop culture because in the eighties and early nineties we had the self-obsessed Valley Girl. Around the mid nineties the Valley Girl involved into the cheerleader. Much the same sentiment, only a lot bitchier (think Cordelia in Buffy) and not tied to the San Ferdinand valley. This perhaps reached its peak, and perhaps bitchiest, with the TV series Popular. The whole cheerleader thing is widespread in movies and it seems Heroes is bucking the trend by offering us Claire Bennet, a cheerleader with a personality. Or, as they say, "Save the cheerleader, save the world", one of the best taglines of this decade.
Which brings us to Clueless. Possibly one of the best Valley Girls committed to celluloid, played with delightful wide-eyed enthusiasm by Alicia Silverstone, in a movie by Amy Heckerling, who is also responsible for Fast Times At Ridgemont High (actually, that was her first film, made some 13 years earlier).
Alicia plays Cher, her friend is Dionne. They're all named after famous people, and their life exists simply to be devastatingly pretty, extremely popular, and always a step ahead of fashion (Cher could have invented the expression "so yesterday").
When, one day, farm-girl Tai (Brittany Murphy) appears on the scene, Cher simply has to work her magic and give the girl a make-over. Only, she doesn't realise that people aren't exactly puppies.
What really works with this film is that it is never mean. A few bitchy comments, and plenty of satire lurking around the incredible vernacular (those who didn't grow up with a heavy dose of SoCal programming might benefit from subtitles?). It is fun, fluffy, and kawaï.
Another thing that really works is the voice-over. We get to her Cher's thoughts. In fact, we almost get a narration to her thinking process, never mind just the thoughts. But this, in a way is great. She's going along, yack yack yack, suddenly "ooh, I wonder if they have that in my size?". Cher has stopped dead. Camera backs up a little to see her gawking at a dress. Okay, it works better on-screen, but trust me, you'll giggle when you see it.
Cher is astonishingly self-absorbed. She matters. Not much else does. There is a scene where she is robbed at gunpoint. Worried about being robbed? No. Worried about the gun? Of course not. She is worried about having to lie on the icky ground in her designer outfit. Yet through this, there's a soft sarcasm as she comes up with lines like "Why learn to park when every place you go has a valet?" (said to her driving instructor!).
Her father, a caring worried father (which puts this film way above the level of most teen films) is a scary litigator. Following in his footsteps, Cher attempts to negotiate bad grades.
This brings us to what I think may be the second best line in the movie, which I must quote as it gives you an idea of why I wrote an entire paragraph about something else first: Searching for good grades in high school is like searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.
(the best line I will leave for you to discover)
Pop culture references come thick and fast. The dialogue itself modernises and reinvents the very essence of Valley Girl, and because this film was made in 1995, we don't have those oh-so-dated '80s fashion accessories (such as roller skates and a Walkman). Or 90% of the hairstyles from the '80s. Let's not even talk about the shoulder pads...
This spawned a television series, but forget that. The real deal is here. A well deserved 9/10 and just as an aside, the 100th review!
Collateral (8/10)
This is one of those films that shows why the pre-weirded Tom Cruise was one of the best actors around.
The story starts off with a fairly simple concept. A man (Cruise) picks up a taxi. He wants to make a few stops before being taken to the airport. Fair enough. All seems to be going well until a body crashes down on to the taxi. Cruise comes out, and acts oddly detached about it. Upon being accused of killing the man, he replies that he just shot him - it's the bullet and the fall that killed the person.
From here the dark, edgy story unfolds as Cruise offering a powerful and deep performance the likes of which you would expect from De Niro.
Watching this, you can't help to think how the mighty have fallen. Yes, Katie was cute in Dawson's Creek but... but...
Core, The [is listed as "The Core"]
Creep (6½/10)
Franke Potente, the pretty tag-along in The Bourne Identity is a party girl. While getting ready to hook up with her friend and go hit on George Clooney, she realises her friend has already left. So she goes to take the tube (for non-UK readers, that's the underground railway in London) home. Knackered, and probably wooly headed from her binging, she falls asleep...
...to find she had missed the train.
A train comes, so she takes it. A little way into the tunnel from Charing Cross the train stops. Suddenly her sort-of-not-quite boyfriend turns up and tries to rape her. Just as it gets serious, he is dragged out of the open train door and mauled.
And from here a claustrophobic horror film taking full advantage of the confines of the underground rail network, and the bizarre people that live down there. Not to mention the rats!
Cruel Intentions (7/10)
A very un-Buffy Buffy (with dark hair to prove she isn't being Buffy!) is the perfect schoolgirl at the perfect exclusive school. Problem is, though, that somewhere along the way, Sarah Michelle Gellar's character went a little off th
Additional commentary:
Around the middle, after the introduction of a weird samurai master who dresses like a woman (wearing white - which is the traditional colour of death in Japan (as opposed to our 'black')), the movie seems to veer onto an alternative course - mostly following Azumi trying to leave the bloodshed behind, but it will always find her - as in Azumi looking to leave and go to the home of the travelling player, only to be accosted by some rebels.
The various story arcs come back together for a spectacular fight in a little village. This fight involves many many people, effects, all sorts of things - and some pretty eye-popping footage. Picked up on-line are two useful little pieces of trivia that may enhance your appreciation of the film upon your next viewing: