Weight: 65kg
Alcohol units: More than I'd admit to
Dear Diary,
Happy New Month. Oh yes, I'm a happy bunny. My computers have been coaxed back to life, but evidently the world has moved on in a big way.
My attempts at installing a bootleg copy of XP onto a 233MHz PC were not unsuccessful. I even have MSIE 6 on the machine. The only problem is I click on stuff and have time to make a cup of tea before anything appears to happen. I swiped a copy of PC World from WHS and was astonished to see the claimed clock speeds of these PCs. The last thing I knew the clock speeds were touching 1GHz on the high-end models and "quantum mechanics" was getting in the way. Well, it obviously wasn't that much of a hurdle as the things are just getting faster and faster.
'Average' graphics cards have more memory than my entire PC!
I downloaded the original of Grand Theft Auto. Being some 300Mb (!) it took forever (thank god I wasn't actually paying for this call!). Can you believe it? Before my accident I would have paid money for this game. Now, all this time later, it is just 'there' on a website. Check it out for yourself, it is at: http://www.rockstargames.com/grandtheftauto
My next challenge, and possibly beyond my skills of manipulation (for the moment, at least) is to get broadband. Practically everybody else in town has it, though I do worry about latency thanks to the large number of people using it for watching mindless television - what a waste of bandwidth...
Talking of mindless television, my Sky card hack is useless. In fact, my satellite receiver is useless. Sometime the whole kit'n'caboodle turned around and went digital. All I can get seems to be two American channels and a load of German stuff. And you haven't lived until you've seen German soft-porn in the early hours. Forget faces. Forget boobs. Let's just look at lots of close-ups of bottoms, the larger and flabbier, the better. I'd be interested to know the statistics of death-by-dieting of young German girls, because if the apparent obsession for big bums is anything to go by; then perhaps this "I'm fat" nonsense that has blighted America and the UK (to name but two countries) isn't even an issue over there.
Maybe I should marry a German chick? Walking around town the other day... The schoolgirls that seemed so cute now just look slutty. Their uniforms are unbelievable, I've seen less revealing swimming costumes; and perhaps it is poignant that all the news reports concern the anniversary of the concentration camps as too many of these girls look like survivors. For goodness sake, comfort-eating in moderation isn't a bad thing, why on earth do you look like that? And you do realise that too much make-up is off-putting? Mmm, evidently not.
And look! It is election time yet again, thus I expect to see somebody in the commons informing Tony that he is a pratt and has failed the country. And while he is at it, let's not leave Mr.
Howard unscathed. No, I don't mean posters of him dressed as a pig — the entire Labour party should be forced to resign over such an utterly sick piece of religious persecution. No, here's something easier and non-religious. Dracula. I mean, doesn't Mr. Howard look like Christopher Lee? Once you've got that image in your head, it isn't a leap to imagine him dressed in a black robe and acting in a seriously camp manner (but, perhaps, not quite as camp as "Interview with a vampire"). Actually, if he turned up on October 31st dressed as Dracula, he'd get my vote. Any politician who understands his own ridiculous points and lets rip once in a while is a good guy in my book. The closest Tony ever managed was a horribly posed "jeans and guitar" photo-opportunity.
I downloaded the Blair's most recent Christmas Card. Cherie almost looks cute, in a sickening kind of way. Tone still looks like a twazook. And, well, it isn't exactly snow and pine trees is it?
Actually, maybe this month will be interesting after all?
Who knows...