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Rick's ESC review 2010 semi 2 - rough
=====================================

(c) 2010 Rick Murray


First version  - 2010/06/14, completed 05h30.
Markup version - <à suivre>
Photos version - <à suivre>


With the same glowing spheres sequence as Tuesday, we are quickly into the massive massive arena. A recap of the same boring voting information as before. This is necessary as some lesser countries (I'm looking at you, France...) don't seem to bother showing the semi final they can't vote in. What? There aren't enough digital channels around you can't find one space for a two hour programme?


Oddly, tonights video seems blockier, despite both presentations being recorded at 1500kbps. The stage is big. The arena is massive. I know I've already said this, but it is scary-big.
I'm pleased NRK have gone for a basic uncluttered stage layout. I recall the last time Norway hosted, the stage looked like a giant oil rig. Perhaps not the best thing given the current BP fiasco Transocean/Haliburton (both American companies and the ones actually running the rig on behalf of BP) fiasco.


Five minutes into the presentation, we're off...


01 Lithuania "Eastern European Funk"
InCulto

A totally daft song that I should detest, but for some reason don't. It's like a mickey-take of Right Said Fred (if the name doesn't ring a bell, think of "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts"). And, for what it is worth, the first costume change of the night. Bye-bye trousers, hello glitter-pants.

There's a vaguely political theme to this song, somewhat along the lines of life in Eastern Europe sucks, but hey, blrblrblrblr [blowing a raspberry]; intermingled with an equally scathing parody of the region itself - the opening lyrics are "you've seen it all before, we ain't got no taste, we're all a bore!" - one might wonder if this is also slamming the song contest. The thing is, this daft song is so fun they can get away with it.


02 Armenia "Apricot Stone"
Eva Rivas

A big girl with a good voice performs an arabesque song about... uh... an apricot stone.

First pyrotechnics of the night. First tree growing in twenty seconds ever. Nice performance, I can see this qualifying if we, you know, overlook the absurdities of the song. But, then, maybe the apricot stone is some sort of allusion I'm not getting?

Well, thanks to the power of Google and a non-live broadcast, I can hit pause and point you to http://www.welcomearmenia.com/main.php?id=1&sid=112&lang=eng which perhaps explains why the apricot is being sung about.


03 Israel "Milim" (Words)
Harel Skaat

A very competent performance of a song of loss. I don't really like the song, but I'd be surprised if this doesn't qualify.


04 Denmark "In a Moment Like This"
Chanée & n'evergreen

Whoa, a nice performance of another retro-style song; the riff sounding not unlike Sting/The Police's Every Breath You Take.
She's pretty, he looks like a 70s rock star.
Brilliant subtle slidey-stage effect. Two and a half rotation crab for the climatic ending, like some sort of Hollywood denouement. A wind machine that actually (unusually!) adds to the performance. Strong song, stronger visuals. This has to qualify (and we're only four songs in, ye gods!).


05 Switzerland "Il pleut de l'or"
Michael von der Heide

Paddy said "Il pleut de l'or, which we think means golden shower". What's worse, he said it totally straight, no giggling.

Quirky staging for a reasonably upbeat song, and no mentions of pipi... but not quirky enough to be memorable like Bistra Voda; so I'm afraid my overall opinion is dangerously close to "meh".


Cut-out as Sara natters to Greece's performers.


06 Sweden "This is My Life"
Anna Bergendahl

Little girl, big guitar. Is it me, or does it look like she's crapping herself? If nerves aren't enough, the song probably could have benefitted greatly from being in a higher register. Despite the repetitivity of it, it's an uplifting song. And loads of people in the audience with glow sticks, was a nice touch.


07 Azerbaijan "Drip Drop"
Safura

Meh.
Sorry. She scores high on the cute factor (shades of Summer Glau, no?), and I can even excuse weaker vocals if other parts of the song carry it; but something you can't gloss over is delivering a line such as "Can I love you...forever?" without much in the way of emotion. I think she is doing a reasonable job of performing her song, but not so much believing it.

If you're going to put on a performance of a song with strong lyrics, the very least you can do is make it look like you believe in your song. To demonstrate what I mean, take a look at 鬼束ちひろ - infection. Please overlook the weird audio (sounds pitch-shifted?), the freaky closeups (was the director dropping acid?) and the fact it's in Japanese, and concentrate on Chihiro's delivery of the song. Even if you think it sucks, it's only three-odd minutes...



08 Ukraine "Sweet People"
Alyosha

"oh sweet people" ... "must you go on killing, just to pass the time" ... "the end is really near".
Jeezuzz, another one. Let me slit my throat and be done with it (but only if blood gushes comically like on all those budget horror flicks I've seen through the years).
I guess if you could understand what the heck she is singing, it might pass as a call to action. I'm not sure what action is expected, for I don't think she's saying anything the smarter people don't already see (while the stupid people don't care much beyond who is bonking who in Corrie).


09 The Netherlands "Ik Ben Verliefd (Sha-la-lie)
Sieneke

Written by the guy that did the Smurf song. Mmmm. What a way to be remembered.

Brilliant song. I've mentioned about retro songs harking back to the eighties. This skips back two decades further at least with an inoffensive and horribly catchy ditty and a song that can only be Eurovision, and Eurovision at its eccentric best; perhaps made all the better as an anecdote to Ukraine's entry. This is one of the great things about Eurovision - it's like a big tub of Quality Street, you never know what will come along next.
If we're going for serious hardcore (a worry, given the number of blow your brains out and be done with it entries this year) then this song will fail miserably. If we're going to retro-trad funfests, this will be a top five in the final. As it's an odd combination going on this year, I'll say top ten. Unless the following eight songs plus the four autoqualifiers (discounting the UK entry, obviously) are absolutely blinding, this will get a top ten placing. It's just so...
...
...
...Eurovision!
(God, and I just pictured myself hamming it up Norton-style as well )


Another cut out to interview a certain Mr. Pete Waterman (of Stock-Aitken-Waterman back in the day), writer of the British song. If you don't mind, I'll CursorUp to skip over this and save my thoughts of the UK's entry for Saturday.


10 Romania "Playing With Fire"
Paula Seling & Ovi

I don't get the hoo-ha over the piano. It's two keyboards and a lot of perspex. Novel idea, but perhaps a tad overrated? Oh my God, another cutie (though in that outfit, I'm half expecting her to break into Wild Dances). That's it, I'm moving somewhere east of Italy...
The song? Okay. Not overly memorable but competent on the high notes. I'll vote for seeing her perform again. ☺


11 Slovenia "Narodnozabavni rock"
Ansambel Z\/lindra & Kalamari

You have to like an ex-Soviet country with a title that sounds like a location from "Night Watch".
Oh, this is so cool - a cutie (yes, yet another, I don't think I can stand to do a "cutest girl" list this year!) with a sweet traditional outfit and a folk song, merged with rock and guitars and stuff.
Okay, granted, some of the style changes are a bit jarring, but to go for rock and folk fusion... it's a damned hard thing to get right. I liked this. I don't expect it has much of a chance of a final placement, but hey, I liked it.


12 Ireland "It's For You"
Niamh Kavanagh (for this who don't know Irish names - Niamh = "Neve")

It's Former Winner Time. "In Your Eyes", 1993.

Oh, class. A proper ballad the likes of which Ireland used to belt out (and win loads) in the '90s. Critically, Niamh needs to see to a few small vocal deficiencies, but this will qualify no question. Will it do well in the final? I guess this depends on what Europe thinks of the ballad - but in it's defence it has a real "Love Shine A Light" vibe running through it.


13 Bulgaria "Angel Si Ti (You Are an Angel)"
Miroslav Kostadinov - Miro

Rubbish song, not terribly well performed, coupled with a rather splendid dance routine. This may be what Greece meant to send this year...


14 Cyprus "Life Looks Better in Spring"
Jon Lilygreen and the Islanders

He's Welsh. One of them is from Devon. I think one might even be a Cypriot!

Sorry Jon. Not a bad performance, not a bad song, but not a patch on Belgium for the guy-and-his-guitar.

Cool little effect there NRK - tracking in on two ceiling monitors which pull apart to let the camera pass on by. Very swish.


Another cut out, to look at 19 year old Lena singing for Germany... kawaii! She's apparently a favourite to win, and if she does, it'll be the first score for an Old Europe country in, er, quite a while. Oh my, I think that was us with "Love Shine A Light" back in '97 in... um... come on... come on... ooh! Ireland. That Anuna girl won the year before with "The Voice".


15 Croatia "Lako je sve" (Easy to see)
Feminnem

The three girls that did the wonderfully exuberant nod to ESC's 50th year (for Bosnia, if I remember correctly) are in a totally different mood tonight, and I mean damn near unrecognisable.

Wow. Gone is any trace of Balkan nuttiness, it looks like this year Croatia wants to win it. I bet this will score well.


16 Georgia "Shine"
Sofia Nizharadze

The composer, apparently, also wrote the Norwegian song we'll here on Saturday. Conflict of interest much?

Beautiful song with a lovely dance routine to go with it. I like this one.


17 Turkey "We Could Be The Same"
maNga

Dark rock, strobes, and a girl dressed like a sword-weilding robot. This is obviously what happens if you grow up reading Japanese comics. Thank goodness he didn't take inspiration from Elfen Lied. It's a pretty dumb song, but fire and sparks and a memorable performance, it ought to go though.



Oh, wow. Now the hard bit.


12. The Netherlands - by the end of the week, this song will have driven me crazy
10. Romania - double sided keyboard
8. Georgia - epic performance
7. Ireland - classy ballad
6. Croatia - heartbreak is a bitch
5. Sweden - one of my chosen songs, my friend
4. Denmark - retro rock
3. Armenia - mad about apricots
2. Azerbaijan - Summer Glau-lookee-likee (and only 'cos she's pretty!)
1. Israel - don't like this much, but it'd be stupid not to think it would qualify

I like Slovenia, but I don't think there's a hope in hell it'll actually qualify.


I guess I have a minor conflict to declare:
12. The Netherlands - sweet
10. Romania - cute
8. Georgia - cute
7. Ireland - way outta my league...
6. Croatia - no comment on a trio
5. Sweden - could be cute, stop looking like a bunny in the headlights
4. Denmark - good looking
3. Armenia - good looking
2. Azerbaijan - cute
1. Israel - n/a
0. Slovenia - cute


I wanted to forward past some of the intervening stuff, but Norway did a class act in taking the mickey out of themselves by celebrating those songs that came in the last three places. As they said, Norway came last ten times, and has a number of null-pwah distinctions as well. Haha, some of those songs are so terrible I bet there was a lot of cringing going on as they were recapped. They were kind to the UK, only mentioning Jemini who is, to my knowledge, the only UK null-pwah entry. Was it anti-Iraq protests? Was it just a bad song? Theories abound, but I would lean towards the latter given I've heard it said "it could be worse, it could be Jemini" about some of the UK's more recent choices.


Some behind the scenes with Josh.


Now a recap of the rules, including the sweet mini-me child hosts, but they went one better with elderly host-clones.


A look ahead to the pre-quals...
  Spain, unlikely.
  Norway, looks a worthy competitor
  UK, uhhh...
  France, oh France, oooh Fraaaance... oooooh mi God Fraaaance...
  Germany, I can pass no comment as certain keys on my keyboard barely work after
           this semi-final and Lena would do them in completely: c, e, t, and u.
           I'll just say if I have to wait until next week before I can watch the final,
           I might try pulling this song off YouTube.



Here we go, with tedious pauses Philip Schofield (Dancing on Ice) would be proud of:

1. Georgia - yay, the epic performance
2. Ukraine - gah! really?!
3. Turkey - not a surprise, to be honest
4. Israel - obvious enough
5. Ireland - would have been a surprise otherwise
6. Cyprus - guitar guy
7. Azerbaijan - Summer Glau, maybe, if you squint... :-)
[Sweden? Romania? The Netherlands?]
8. Romania - cutey and the double piano
9. Armenia - the apricots
[Denmark? Sweden? Holland?]
10. Denmark - The '80s song.


WTF? The Netherlands rejected? Croatia trounced? Aaargh!?

But, on the bright side, I called it right for seven of my ten. Not bad.

A bookies favourite fell by the wayside - I can't believe Ukraine got through and Croatia didn't. Sweden, a fan favourite, also tumbled into oblivion. Well, okay, it didn't, but you have to make it sound suitably dramatic. Maybe it was the performance? Maybe it was the pitch? I thought it was a nice song, lyrically. Could have done with being a little higher for her.

Oh well.

I can make three predictions:

  1. The UK is total meh. It won't win. Now I've seen the competition, we oughta
     be thinking we can outscore Ukraine, but don't forget people actually just
     voted for Ukraine. So who knows?

  2. Lena... oooh... A cute quirky German. She's like a mini Nora Tschirner isn't she?

  3. I'm single. I can say they're all cute without a hint of shame. Of course, I'm
     also 36, but I can appreciate cuteness in small packages! Cute, by the way, is
     NOT a methaphor for . Cute is cute, as in Ai Otsuka.
     Of course, if you're female, 21-51 (15 years either side), single, NON SMOKER, and
     you get my sense of humour and understand why "Night Of The Comet" rocks, while
     "Diary of the Dead" doesn't... EMAIL ME! Marry me! Oh, wait, that sounds a little
     too desperate. Having animé-girl eyes is a big plus, failing that try slanty-eyes.
     I'm not interested in bust measurements, epic boobs does not equal winningest
     personality. Tattoos and odd piercings a bit of a minus. Did I mention non-smoker?
     I don't care if you're a clean-freak, just stay the hell away from my filing system.
     :-) Oh, I live in France and speak fluent bullsh^WEnglish.

2+3. Those weren't really predictions, thus:
     2. Germany to win. If not, butterflies. Just because.

     3. The numbers that will not win the next Eurolotto on 2010/06/18 are:
          6   13   34   37   44   Stars: 2 and 6